Oh, I think Addy's used to you by now. [Despite Chuuya's usual teasing tone Diluc has already caught on to there being something more... unusual about his request to say here tonight. He has no idea what it is yet, but given the man tends to be blackout drunk or near enough each time Diluc carries him home the fact he expressed coherent interest in being here when he was asked at the end of the night makes him wonder if there is something on his mind.
Perhaps it's none of his business. He isn't going to pry unless it becomes obvious there's something wrong. He cares at least enough for that.]
Unless you're running out of treats for her, in which case the bedroom might be safer. [Diluc laughs softly and settles himself against the couch cushions. He reaches up and pulls the tie out of his hair, shaking it free and raking his fingers through it.]
But I thought it might be more comfortable for you, that's all. Unless you prefer the couch.
[Chuuya is not a man above bribery, and that's true enough when he reaches into his pocket to pull out a little bag of cat treats, tossing a few out for addy to locate at her whim.] Though your couch is plenty comfortable, I certainly wouldn't say no to a bed either.
[He leans back into the couch cushions as well, carefully resisting the urge to reach out and run his fingers through Diluc's hair, drag him into a kiss. That could lead to other things entirely, and as tempting as it was, he couldn't just yet.]
Actually, you've probably already guessed as much... but I did want to come over for a reason, tonight.
I should introduce you to Aqila in the morning. She's outside.
[He had mentioned the Mondstadt falcon to Chuuya before but not yet given the man the pleasure of meeting her. She would be grouchy if they woke her up at this time of night though, so better to leave her be for now.
Diluc glances the other man's way when he confirms his suspicions, and though he can't quite explain why he feels a faint knot of anxiety slip into the pit of his stomach. Maybe it's because Chuuya is clearly resisting putting a hand on him in any way.
He's... probably overthinking it, but just when did he get so nervous about that kind of thing?]
I'd guessed. [Diluc says with a brief smile.] So... what's on your mind?
[Aqila has... a temperament, that's for sure, but much like Diluc you simply need to know how to correctly handle her. Treats always help, and Diluc doesn't think Chuuya will have much problem in that regard.
But more to the matter at hand. When Chuuya says that, the faint sense of nervousness evaporates as if it was never there. So it's about that, then.
He gives a small shake of his head.]
You don't need to tell me anything you're not comfortable with telling me, Chuuya. I haven't done anything to earn that. [There have been many times he could have pressed for more information about the guy and he went into this with full awareness that there was a whole lot he didn't know. Sometimes that's just how it is, and whether or not it all came out over time was never something he planned to allow to get in the way.
Diluc reaches out to snag the other man's hand, clasping it just lightly in his own and giving it a soft squeeze. Chuuya's always seemed like a private kind of person at least when it came to his background, and Diluc has always respected that.]
It ain't something I'm uncomfortable with. Not anymore, anyway.
[He lets out a humorless huff of a laugh. It had been a source of plenty of uncertainty in his youth, but Chuuya had long ago settled those demons in his heart. He was himself, regardless of anything else he might be.
He curls his fingers around Diluc's hand, squeezing lightly in return. He appreciates the gesture.]
And it ain't something that can be earned like that, even if you've done more than enough to earn it anyway. But it is something I don't talk about with people for a reason, because it's.... a lot to explain. But I don't like feeling like I know so much about you and Kaeya, while you don't know much of anything about me.
[It felt unequal, and it was deliberate on Chuuya's part in some ways. He didn't want that anymore.]
Also it's kind of a sordid government secret, so that's kind of a problem in itself back home. Not so much here.
[For Diluc it has never been a matter of balance. What Chuuya knows about the both of them had come about unfairly and had ultimately required an explanation, but Diluc had never expected Chuuya to give information in return as a way of making things even. It's a little amusing, actually, to think about it that way.
His expression flickers slightly when the issue of it being a 'sordid government secret' comes up, though. That isn't quite what he expected the man to say.
But he's right. Things like that hardly matter here, when they're far away from the reach of their own governments and gods.]
Is this something I'm going to need to get a drink for?
[Chuuya knows he's practically teetotal, so hopefully that comes across as the light joke it's intended as. He doesn't look about to move either way.]
[It certainly does, and Chuuya cracks out a laugh again, both at the joke and Diluc's expression with far more humor this time.] You could, but it might make it difficult to follow.
[Even if he wanted to tell people back home, make it into something 'neat and tidy' enough to tell was another issue entirely. He plays his fingers against Diluc's hand idly, considering where to start.
The familiar might work best, maybe.]
I told you me and Kaeya have something in common once, yeah? It's cause I was found by a gang of kids who called themselves sheep when I was around seven or eight years old, huddled under a bridge. That was my first family. At least the first I'll ever remember having, since that's around the same age where most of my memories start. Almost everything before that is just... blackness, though I knew the name 'Nakahara' and... not much else, honestly. Certainly not where I came from, back then. I had to learn practically everything from scratch.
[He lets Chuuya play with his hand without moving it much in response, if only to make sure he doesn't start accidentally distracting him from what he wants to say.
Diluc keeps his attention on the other man's face, quiet while he listens. They really do have something in common then, except Kaeya knew where he came from all along and could just never talk about it. Being picked up and taken into a new family at that age would be a difficult thing either way though.
But... he has a feeling that this is only the start of it. He tilts his head faintly.]
I assume that isn't the government secret part. [A bunch of street kids? That doesn't sound like something sordid. So he can only guess that the sordid part is the reason behind why Chuuya can barely remember anything from before he was eight years old.]
Nope. I did have to relearn pretty much everything though, up to and including what food was.
[Diluc's probably noticed, at least by now, that Chuuya's knowledge of some things was... lacking. He'd played catch up in his early years, doggedly learning everything he could.]
The other name I knew somehow, was 'Arahabaki'. Nakahara isn't exactly a rare name, so it led pretty much nowhere fast in terms of information once I could look for it. But Arahabaki, from the scrapes of info I'd gained over the years, was thought to be some sort of beast or god of calamity. Rumors had it that a bit before the time I was found, it apparently caused a massive explosion, creating a crater that eventually became Suribachi city, also near where I was found.
[He tilts his head sideways, looking at Diluc with a wry grin.]
Most people awaken to their ability during life-threatening events. Me? I'd always had mine, as far as I knew. And it's always been powerful, even way back then. I put two and two together or so I thought, in the way dumb kids do. I thought that thing... whatever it was, might have been me. Something inhuman, something more like a natural disaster in a can than a person. Ultimately, I was only half-right.
[Diluc had noticed, but he had never really connected it to a complete loss of memory. Sometimes people just weren't aware of things for no fault of their own and it had never been something he had thought was all that strange.
And he doesn't, yet, understand why all of this is something that Chuuya thinks he should know. There had been a certain urgency about that and this is a lot of information to be told at once. Not that he doesn't feel privileged to hear it - he does - but...]
You thought you made the crater? [Did he get that part right?
Maybe it was due to the way he had been introduced to Chuuya's ability - a giggling drunk floating against the ceiling doesn't exactly scream 'danger to humanity' - but he has never seen the man as something inhuman... or anything more or less than exactly what he is.]
[he lets out a laugh at the ‘thought’ part.] Oh no Diluc, that part was true at least. I’ve made several since, though none quite that big.
[This is Chuuya, in a roundabout way making it clear who Diluc is dating. It’s one thing to know you’re dating a mafia executive, another to—] I found out eventually, the name ‘Arahabaki’ I remembered wasn’t referring to a god, it was the name of a top secret government project. One meant to lab produce ability users that could be controlled as weapons, ones with incredible power. Because while abilities are powerful, the only beings capable of using them are human beings.
[He skips over the stuff about singularities. It's scientific mumbo jumbo for 'unlimited energy' essentially.]
[His expression flickers, but he isn't really surprised. He's seen what Chuuya can do when he's restraining himself and the bruises on his ribs had taken weeks to fade. This man, he has no doubt, has the potential to do tremendous damage with the kind of power that he possesses.
But despite what his statement makes clear, Diluc doesn't move away from him. He keeps listening instead, deciding to hear all of it before making his decision.
Diluc keeps listening... and Chuuya would no doubt feel his frame stiffen slightly beside him. Not when he talks about the explosions really being him, but rather when he talks about 'lab produced ability users'. Oh, it's a distant thing for Diluc - something he's only heard about and never seen personally - but the very topic itself brings to mind someone who he would not hesitate to end the life of should they suddenly be stood in front of him.]
[It's easier to say these days, but... The way Diluc stiffens. This is the part that, in some tiny ways, Chuuya is nervous about his response to. He knows who he is, and he's long settled that matter for himself, but he isn't going to make excuses to make it more... palatable, if Diluc finds this distasteful.]
I apparently got free when two guys on a mission to bring me back to their country busted me out... and during a fight between the two I escaped, the whole lab getting leveled in the process.
[And that... is all he'll say about Rimbaud and Verlaine, because they deserve that much respect for their story.] Didn't stop the project head from showing up years later to try and 'fix' me, because apparently my personality was unsuitable [A snort, because that's a fun way of saying Chuuya's stubborn as shit and does what he wants. He still has scars from professor N's torture session, deep punctures as if he'd been impaled through the chest, the barest hint of Lichtenberg figures.] but he's not a problem anymore.
[He finds it distasteful, but not for the reason Chuuya is concerned about. Diluc finds it distasteful in the same way that any sane, morally sound person would find it distasteful that people were being experimented on in such a way, children no less, and thoughts of Dottore aside the idea of someone he cares about having been through that is not a pleasant thought either.
The rest of it, of course, doesn't help.
Diluc takes a moment to compose his expression before he looks at Chuuya again. He doesn't need to ask what is meant by 'he's not a problem'. Something swells up in his chest and he reaches over to pull the smaller man in against him, both arms wrapped tight around his body. His chin props lightly against the top of Chuuya's head.
He doubts Chuuya needs any comfort for it, but just sitting there doesn't feel like enough.]
[Chuuya waits, quietly, for further reaction from Diluc. And the reaction he gets...
Well, he can't deny the way his nerves dissipate when Diluc reaches over and tugs him close, something settling in his chest akin to a deflating balloon, or soda bubbles fading away. He leans into Diluc, tucking his back against him to more fully feel the embrace, head settling against Diluc's chest.
It's strange being embraced like this, like Diluc can curl around him and protect him from the world. But it's a nice feeling.]
He was crushed to death. Not by me, but by someone else. It was probably quick, but definitely painful. [It's said with some dark humor. He can't exactly say he's disappointed, after the shit N put him through.] But the concrete knowledge of whether I was born a human being died with him, too. Not that I care about that, anymore.
[The only real proof he might have been born a human was a tiny scar on his wrist, and even that was inconclusive.
Whether he was truly born a human being is irrelevant, because he knows who he is. This body, with all it's scars, his hair, skin and veins... it was all his, every cell. Every experience he's had, every memory he carries... those are all him.] Before anything else I might be, I'm me.
[He wasn't entirely sure if Chuuya would accept being tugged in close like that, but he's relieved when he does. Archons knew Chuuya didn't need protecting and Diluc understands that now more than he ever had before... but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel some sense of responsibility for him right now when telling him all of this can't have been a pleasant experience.]
Yeah.
[Diluc takes one of Chuuya's hands in his, rubs his thumb across the back of his knuckles, then squeezes his fingers around it. There's a whole lot here that he doesn't really understand and probably never would no matter how many questions he asked but he doesn't think that's the point anyway. The point is that Chuuya wanted him to know this about him, whatever his reaction to it might have been.
He exhales a quiet chuckle.]
You're you. [Simple and complicated all at once.] And if it means anything... You're more than human enough for me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 10:09 pm (UTC)Perhaps it's none of his business. He isn't going to pry unless it becomes obvious there's something wrong. He cares at least enough for that.]
Unless you're running out of treats for her, in which case the bedroom might be safer. [Diluc laughs softly and settles himself against the couch cushions. He reaches up and pulls the tie out of his hair, shaking it free and raking his fingers through it.]
But I thought it might be more comfortable for you, that's all. Unless you prefer the couch.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 10:20 pm (UTC)[Chuuya is not a man above bribery, and that's true enough when he reaches into his pocket to pull out a little bag of cat treats, tossing a few out for addy to locate at her whim.] Though your couch is plenty comfortable, I certainly wouldn't say no to a bed either.
[He leans back into the couch cushions as well, carefully resisting the urge to reach out and run his fingers through Diluc's hair, drag him into a kiss. That could lead to other things entirely, and as tempting as it was, he couldn't just yet.]
Actually, you've probably already guessed as much... but I did want to come over for a reason, tonight.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 10:27 pm (UTC)[He had mentioned the Mondstadt falcon to Chuuya before but not yet given the man the pleasure of meeting her. She would be grouchy if they woke her up at this time of night though, so better to leave her be for now.
Diluc glances the other man's way when he confirms his suspicions, and though he can't quite explain why he feels a faint knot of anxiety slip into the pit of his stomach. Maybe it's because Chuuya is clearly resisting putting a hand on him in any way.
He's... probably overthinking it, but just when did he get so nervous about that kind of thing?]
I'd guessed. [Diluc says with a brief smile.] So... what's on your mind?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 10:45 pm (UTC)[It's said with some amusement. Diluc certainly had some interesting pets.]
Y'know how I told you there are a lot of things about me I haven't told you? When you first asked me out?
[He tilts his head slightly, glancing over at Diluc with a wry smile.]
I've never... done this sorta thing, but I am serious about what we have going on between us. And you deserve to know.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 10:53 pm (UTC)But more to the matter at hand. When Chuuya says that, the faint sense of nervousness evaporates as if it was never there. So it's about that, then.
He gives a small shake of his head.]
You don't need to tell me anything you're not comfortable with telling me, Chuuya. I haven't done anything to earn that. [There have been many times he could have pressed for more information about the guy and he went into this with full awareness that there was a whole lot he didn't know. Sometimes that's just how it is, and whether or not it all came out over time was never something he planned to allow to get in the way.
Diluc reaches out to snag the other man's hand, clasping it just lightly in his own and giving it a soft squeeze. Chuuya's always seemed like a private kind of person at least when it came to his background, and Diluc has always respected that.]
If you want to, though... I'm listening.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 11:05 pm (UTC)[He lets out a humorless huff of a laugh. It had been a source of plenty of uncertainty in his youth, but Chuuya had long ago settled those demons in his heart. He was himself, regardless of anything else he might be.
He curls his fingers around Diluc's hand, squeezing lightly in return. He appreciates the gesture.]
And it ain't something that can be earned like that, even if you've done more than enough to earn it anyway. But it is something I don't talk about with people for a reason, because it's.... a lot to explain. But I don't like feeling like I know so much about you and Kaeya, while you don't know much of anything about me.
[It felt unequal, and it was deliberate on Chuuya's part in some ways. He didn't want that anymore.]
Also it's kind of a sordid government secret, so that's kind of a problem in itself back home. Not so much here.
[Uh... What the fuck Chuuya.]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 11:12 pm (UTC)His expression flickers slightly when the issue of it being a 'sordid government secret' comes up, though. That isn't quite what he expected the man to say.
But he's right. Things like that hardly matter here, when they're far away from the reach of their own governments and gods.]
Is this something I'm going to need to get a drink for?
[Chuuya knows he's practically teetotal, so hopefully that comes across as the light joke it's intended as. He doesn't look about to move either way.]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 11:33 pm (UTC)[Even if he wanted to tell people back home, make it into something 'neat and tidy' enough to tell was another issue entirely. He plays his fingers against Diluc's hand idly, considering where to start.
The familiar might work best, maybe.]
I told you me and Kaeya have something in common once, yeah? It's cause I was found by a gang of kids who called themselves sheep when I was around seven or eight years old, huddled under a bridge. That was my first family. At least the first I'll ever remember having, since that's around the same age where most of my memories start. Almost everything before that is just... blackness, though I knew the name 'Nakahara' and... not much else, honestly. Certainly not where I came from, back then. I had to learn practically everything from scratch.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 11:40 pm (UTC)Diluc keeps his attention on the other man's face, quiet while he listens. They really do have something in common then, except Kaeya knew where he came from all along and could just never talk about it. Being picked up and taken into a new family at that age would be a difficult thing either way though.
But... he has a feeling that this is only the start of it. He tilts his head faintly.]
I assume that isn't the government secret part. [A bunch of street kids? That doesn't sound like something sordid. So he can only guess that the sordid part is the reason behind why Chuuya can barely remember anything from before he was eight years old.]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-30 12:00 am (UTC)[Diluc's probably noticed, at least by now, that Chuuya's knowledge of some things was... lacking. He'd played catch up in his early years, doggedly learning everything he could.]
The other name I knew somehow, was 'Arahabaki'. Nakahara isn't exactly a rare name, so it led pretty much nowhere fast in terms of information once I could look for it. But Arahabaki, from the scrapes of info I'd gained over the years, was thought to be some sort of beast or god of calamity. Rumors had it that a bit before the time I was found, it apparently caused a massive explosion, creating a crater that eventually became Suribachi city, also near where I was found.
[He tilts his head sideways, looking at Diluc with a wry grin.]
Most people awaken to their ability during life-threatening events. Me? I'd always had mine, as far as I knew. And it's always been powerful, even way back then. I put two and two together or so I thought, in the way dumb kids do. I thought that thing... whatever it was, might have been me. Something inhuman, something more like a natural disaster in a can than a person. Ultimately, I was only half-right.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-03 03:52 pm (UTC)And he doesn't, yet, understand why all of this is something that Chuuya thinks he should know. There had been a certain urgency about that and this is a lot of information to be told at once. Not that he doesn't feel privileged to hear it - he does - but...]
You thought you made the crater? [Did he get that part right?
Maybe it was due to the way he had been introduced to Chuuya's ability - a giggling drunk floating against the ceiling doesn't exactly scream 'danger to humanity' - but he has never seen the man as something inhuman... or anything more or less than exactly what he is.]
Keep going. I'm listening.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-04 12:18 am (UTC)[This is Chuuya, in a roundabout way making it clear who Diluc is dating. It’s one thing to know you’re dating a mafia executive, another to—] I found out eventually, the name ‘Arahabaki’ I remembered wasn’t referring to a god, it was the name of a top secret government project. One meant to lab produce ability users that could be controlled as weapons, ones with incredible power. Because while abilities are powerful, the only beings capable of using them are human beings.
[He skips over the stuff about singularities. It's scientific mumbo jumbo for 'unlimited energy' essentially.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-08 07:20 pm (UTC)But despite what his statement makes clear, Diluc doesn't move away from him. He keeps listening instead, deciding to hear all of it before making his decision.
Diluc keeps listening... and Chuuya would no doubt feel his frame stiffen slightly beside him. Not when he talks about the explosions really being him, but rather when he talks about 'lab produced ability users'. Oh, it's a distant thing for Diluc - something he's only heard about and never seen personally - but the very topic itself brings to mind someone who he would not hesitate to end the life of should they suddenly be stood in front of him.]
And you... you were one of them?
[An experiment?]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-09 04:44 am (UTC)[It's easier to say these days, but... The way Diluc stiffens. This is the part that, in some tiny ways, Chuuya is nervous about his response to. He knows who he is, and he's long settled that matter for himself, but he isn't going to make excuses to make it more... palatable, if Diluc finds this distasteful.]
I apparently got free when two guys on a mission to bring me back to their country busted me out... and during a fight between the two I escaped, the whole lab getting leveled in the process.
[And that... is all he'll say about Rimbaud and Verlaine, because they deserve that much respect for their story.] Didn't stop the project head from showing up years later to try and 'fix' me, because apparently my personality was unsuitable [A snort, because that's a fun way of saying Chuuya's stubborn as shit and does what he wants. He still has scars from professor N's torture session, deep punctures as if he'd been impaled through the chest, the barest hint of Lichtenberg figures.] but he's not a problem anymore.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-09 09:03 am (UTC)The rest of it, of course, doesn't help.
Diluc takes a moment to compose his expression before he looks at Chuuya again. He doesn't need to ask what is meant by 'he's not a problem'. Something swells up in his chest and he reaches over to pull the smaller man in against him, both arms wrapped tight around his body. His chin props lightly against the top of Chuuya's head.
He doubts Chuuya needs any comfort for it, but just sitting there doesn't feel like enough.]
I hope he fucking suffered.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-09 10:10 am (UTC)Well, he can't deny the way his nerves dissipate when Diluc reaches over and tugs him close, something settling in his chest akin to a deflating balloon, or soda bubbles fading away. He leans into Diluc, tucking his back against him to more fully feel the embrace, head settling against Diluc's chest.
It's strange being embraced like this, like Diluc can curl around him and protect him from the world. But it's a nice feeling.]
He was crushed to death. Not by me, but by someone else. It was probably quick, but definitely painful. [It's said with some dark humor. He can't exactly say he's disappointed, after the shit N put him through.] But the concrete knowledge of whether I was born a human being died with him, too. Not that I care about that, anymore.
[The only real proof he might have been born a human was a tiny scar on his wrist, and even that was inconclusive.
Whether he was truly born a human being is irrelevant, because he knows who he is. This body, with all it's scars, his hair, skin and veins... it was all his, every cell. Every experience he's had, every memory he carries... those are all him.] Before anything else I might be, I'm me.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-12 08:01 pm (UTC)Yeah.
[Diluc takes one of Chuuya's hands in his, rubs his thumb across the back of his knuckles, then squeezes his fingers around it. There's a whole lot here that he doesn't really understand and probably never would no matter how many questions he asked but he doesn't think that's the point anyway. The point is that Chuuya wanted him to know this about him, whatever his reaction to it might have been.
He exhales a quiet chuckle.]
You're you. [Simple and complicated all at once.] And if it means anything... You're more than human enough for me.