[Kaeya actually knew he could be, but knowing was different than seeing. Of course, once again, Kaeya deserved the treatment he got from Diluc compared to literally everyone else.
Kaeya would also like to not be stone, now or later, so after a huff, he finally grasped Diluc's hand.
Oh. It felt nice.
Very nice.
A pang of nostalgia hit him in the chest.]
...I miss this.
[It was mumbled and quiet, and out of his mouth before he could stop himself. He actually didn't even realize he said it until two seconds later. Once he did, he turned his head away.]
[Given that Diluc has not been touch-avoidant while he has been in Nightwake, he doesn't feel quite the same rush of euphoria that Kaeya does when he finally takes hold of his hand. It does still feel quite nice, though, and he curls his fingers around the other man's before he hears those quiet words leave him.
The redhead stills, looking up at Kaeya as his head turns away. His bright gaze burns against the small section of dark skin that he can still see, but he doesn't let go of the hand in his.]
Miss what, exactly?
[Things hadn't been the same between them since that day. Since Diluc's return to Mondstadt the two of them had been slowly repairing bridges, tentatively reaching out to mend fragments of the connection they had once had, but it still wasn't like it used to be. Diluc still cares. Of course he does, or why would he be doing this? But Kaeya had always been so respectful - if sometimes bitter - of the distance between them that he had never given that much thought to the idea that missing their former closeness might be felt so strongly.
He sighs and closes his free hand over the top of Kaeya's knuckles.]
[If Diluc has to ask, then it wasn't something Kaeya wanted to discuss or clarify. Instead, he kept his head turned away, drawing up his knees so he could rest his aching head on them. His shoulders hunched up a little as he felt those eyes bore into him. But he was resolute in not answering. He wasn't ready to answer.
It was the stupid fever. It had to be.
Kaeya flinched when Diluc rested his other hand on top. That wasn't fair. Not at all.]
I'll be fine. Good to know what the limits are and such, anyway.
[Not that he planned on waiting five days again. No, he would make more of an effort, even if he really didn't want to.]
[The redhead lets out a soft breath through his nose, slow and steady, and turns his attention down to their joined hands. It does make his chest ache in a very particular, bittersweet kind of way.]
You might have asked, instead of testing those limits yourself. [He mutters, shifting so that the back of the hand below Kaeya's is resting on his knee. Diluc isn't sure how long it's going to take for the other man to start feeling better... if it's going to be a while they are probably going to find a more comfortable position to sit in.]
Is this so objectionable to you that you can't even look at me? [Without Adelinde or the Traveller to act as a buffer between them, things do feel... strained. There's a reason they have only communicated via letter for some time.] I'll make you a drink if you're staying.
At the very least, his fever seemed to be breaking already. But the ache in his joints were still there. He was still very tired. He also didn't know how to answer Diluc.
It wasn't objectionable, but he was embarrassed to have revealed how much he missed the other man's company. How much he missed the camaraderie they used to have. It was an awful feeling he carried since the tragedy and even while they slowly mended the broken bridges he thought irreparable.]
It's not... [Sigh.] It's fine, Diluc. I'm not objecting. Just.
[He turned his head slightly, one eye peeking through his bangs slightly, the hint of a scar showing>]
[At least, Diluc thinks, it was him who was nearby. If he'd found out that Kaeya had succumbed to this because he didn't have anyone to turn to or left it too late...
Would he have felt guilty? Would he have felt responsible, somehow, that he wasn't able to step in in time to keep something from happening to the other man? Diluc already dislikes being here and already has in mind the number of people he feels he has to watch out for.
His eyes linger on the edge of the outline of the scar across Kaeya's eye.]
... Fine.
[He has the rest of his coffee anyway, but he's not really thinking about drinking it.]
I hope you're not going to make a habit of this. [And he isn't thinking, really, as he rubs the side of his thumb against Kaeya's hand. As if he's trying to comfort him.] Next time I might not be here to come to your rescue.
[Kaeya felt the stroke against his hand, but he elected not to comment. Instead, he snorted softly and looked away again.]
There won't be a next time, Diluc.
[He was going to make sure of that, even if it meant actually needing to get close enough to people to hold hands. He may actually enjoy people's company, he generally shied away from physical affection of any kind if he could help it. Klee, notwithstanding.]
This isn't something I want to feel again. Everything hurts.
[It's good to hear him say that it won't be a next time, but he isn't sure just how much he trusts Kaeya when it comes to this kind of thing.
Sigh. Something else to think about.]
At least let me get you something warm to put on.
[Since he walked over here in his pyjamas, obviously feeling terrible if he hadn't stopped to get dressed and even overlooked putting his eyepatch on. It isn't that Diluc wants to leave him on his own but gruffly fussing like this is his way of showing that be cares.]
You can stay here for a bit. I don't have any plans to go anywhere.
His hand tightened a little at the suggestion. This time, he turned his head fully with eyes wide.]
No, stay here.
[Something about this whole thing really had Kaeya on edge, but not necessarily that he was sitting next to Diluc holding his hand. That was the small comfort he was feeling and he didn't want it to stop.
[It's strange to see Kaeya like this. Not because he knows the man as someone calm and cocky, who always seems to have a sly answer for everything and never lets his weaknesses show, but because he still remembers the little boy who used to cling to his hand and follow him everywhere.
Diluc would be lying if he said he didn't sometimes miss it too.
He sighs, and moves his hand from the top of Kaeya's to put his arm around the other man's back instead.]
[Ultimately, Kaeya was still that scared little boy. That part of him was just buried by the mask he always wore. Deep down, he was scared and he did not want to know what fate had in store for him. Especially now that he knew that his own ancestors started the Abyss Order. It felt like time was running out. And now, because he hadn't touched anyone for the last five or so days, he was on his way to turning to stone.
Was time always running out for him? It felt like it.
When Diluc put his arm around him, Kaeya didn't fight it. He leaned into the warmth.]
[Kaeya leans in, and he tucks his arm more securely around him as he rests his chin up on top of the younger man's head.
Strange. It's... very strange, but he doesn't object too strongly. Kaeya is clearly sick and scared and... what kind of human being would Diluc be if he just shoved him off to find someone else to turn to. He chafes his palm against Kaeya's shoulder and gazes at the opposite wall, lapsing into silence.
Diluc does not like it here. Not even one bit. He is suspicious of the motives of the ones who brought them here to begin with and of the mechanics in place to control them, and of just what they are expected to do while they're here. Seeing Kaeya like this does not make him feel any more warmly towards any of it.]
[He nodded against Diluc's shoulder. This felt so nostalgic and it made his chest hurt again. It was strange to him as well, that his former sworn brother would concede to helping him so fast. He thought Diluc would protest a little more, not because Diluc didn't care, but just that he always seemed to do so before finally relenting with anything Kaeya related. Then again, it didn't take much to let him stay for dinner during the Weinlesefest. Even getting Adelinde in on it.
But he was grateful that Diluc hadn't. Because while he could have probably asked Albedo or Fischl for assistance, assuming he had enough time, he wouldn't be comfortable. He wouldn't be able to relax. Diluc was different.
He always would be.]
Yeah.
[He was getting tired, in fact. Kaeya didn't exactly have an easy sleep due to his condition. He slouched a little more against Diluc.]
[Maybe if Kaeya had not looked so terrible, if he hadn't almost collapsed in the doorway, and if he wasn't so urgently holding on to his hand and all but begging him to not go anywhere even within the confines of the apartment, Diluc would have put up more of a fight against helping him instead of giving in so easily. All of it put together is the perfect combination for the redhead to be worried enough to put any misgivings he might have had aside.
Even so, he wasn't sure how this was going to go. Would they just sit here awkwardly until Kaeya started feeling better? It seems like the man has other ideas as he slouches in against Diluc, and Diluc lets out a soft huff of almost fond irritation.
He shifts his weight, leaning back against the back of the couch.]
You're tired. Put your legs over. [And honestly, if Kaeya doesn't, Diluc is just going to move his legs for him.]
[Kaeya made a face, if a tired one, at that. More confused than anything else.]
Pull my legs over what? I'm fine like this.
[Even if Diluc was the one uncomfortable with this position, he wasn't sure what his legs would do to help that. Sorry Diluc, he's tired, as you said.]
[Diluc sighs sharply, makes a face, and tugs Kaeya's legs over his lap so he isn't sitting scrunched up on the couch next to him. That's no way to sleep, and it wouldn't be comfortable for Diluc in the long run if he nods off like that.]
Like that. Are you fine there?
[Comfortable? Not fretting he's going to run off? His tone is a little sharp, but there's caring under it.]
[Kaeya couldn't help the warmth that spread over his cheeks. He kept his head down, however, to hide the blush. He wasn't completely in Diluc's lap, but he may as well be with the way he was cradled.]
...y-yes, I'm fine.
[What was Diluc thinking? Kaeya didn't understand what the other man's motivations. Helping him out was one thing, but this? He wanted to ask, but he found the words lodged in his throat.]
[It isn't as if they have never been this close before! Diluc's face is a little warm too, but with Kaeya trying to hide his own blushing they both managed to escape notice.
As far as he's concerned, if it helps Kaeya to feel better faster, then it's fine.]
Good. So am I.
[Embarrassing.]
Just relax and try to get some rest. If you're not feeling more like yourself soon I'll have to ask around how else you can be helped.
I would rather you didn't announce this to the world...
[It's been like four years! And those four years were full of tension and grief!
Either way, Kaeya was a little more awake now if only because his heart was racing. He stared at his feet, willing himself to relax. Honestly, it felt too big to be in Diluc's lap and not because of his age. He was a good few inches taller than Diluc, after all.
He couldn't help it. He laughed softly. Their father used to say he was just all legs and now he certainly felt it.]
[It's a boundary pushed to breaking point and then beyond it. Diluc isn't really sure what he's doing except that it's like pushing a boulder down a hill and then running after it as if it can be stopped. He feels foolish, in a way, but they're here now and if Kaeya really minded then he would move.]
... What's so funny?
[He knows what's funny. There's a thread of clear amusement in his own voice as well, though it doesn't quite break into a laugh.]
A few minutes ago you were acting like you were dying.
[An amused scoff, but his hand tightened in Diluc's grasp again. He didn't want the other man to let go still.]
I'm tired, I feel like an old man whose bones are telling him it's going to rain sooner. But... [He let out a breath and allowed himself to lean against the redhead's chest again. His head dropped onto his shoulder.] I am too tall for your lap. As f-...As I am just all arms and legs.
[He almost said 'father' and that would have killed what little good mood they were in. He did not want that.]
[Of course he did. In hindsight he should have known this would be comical and perhaps on some subconscious level that is why he did it. It feels like a layer of tension has been broken, and not in a way that he minds. For the most part he is just... truly glad that the other man is feeling better, even if he claims he feels terrible.
He gives Kaeya's back an idle pat.]
You've been too tall since we were sixteen. I don't know who you think gave you permission to get taller than me.
[His fingertips dig lightly against Kaeya's ribs, just for a moment. Getting too bold there, Alberich, and he won't stand for it.]
You wouldn't dare. [For... several reasons, probably though one of them is currently being very muddied by the fact that he basically has Kaeya in his lap right now - that one being, it's just too hard to get that close to him anymore.]
[He didn't say he was going to! Just that he could. Geez, Diluc, give him a break here.
He huffed and rolled his eyes.]
Who said I was going to? Taking a joke so seriously, goodness.
[Like he would really attempt it even if he wasn't sick. There was no reason to. He just remembered Diluc getting hilariously huffy when they were younger whenever he did it. It was a fond memory, but perhaps it wasn't for Diluc, after all.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-03-10 08:45 pm (UTC)[Kaeya actually knew he could be, but knowing was different than seeing. Of course, once again, Kaeya deserved the treatment he got from Diluc compared to literally everyone else.
Kaeya would also like to not be stone, now or later, so after a huff, he finally grasped Diluc's hand.
Oh. It felt nice.
Very nice.
A pang of nostalgia hit him in the chest.]
...I miss this.
[It was mumbled and quiet, and out of his mouth before he could stop himself. He actually didn't even realize he said it until two seconds later. Once he did, he turned his head away.]
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Date: 2023-03-10 09:17 pm (UTC)The redhead stills, looking up at Kaeya as his head turns away. His bright gaze burns against the small section of dark skin that he can still see, but he doesn't let go of the hand in his.]
Miss what, exactly?
[Things hadn't been the same between them since that day. Since Diluc's return to Mondstadt the two of them had been slowly repairing bridges, tentatively reaching out to mend fragments of the connection they had once had, but it still wasn't like it used to be. Diluc still cares. Of course he does, or why would he be doing this? But Kaeya had always been so respectful - if sometimes bitter - of the distance between them that he had never given that much thought to the idea that missing their former closeness might be felt so strongly.
He sighs and closes his free hand over the top of Kaeya's knuckles.]
You should take better care of yourself.
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Date: 2023-03-10 09:26 pm (UTC)[If Diluc has to ask, then it wasn't something Kaeya wanted to discuss or clarify. Instead, he kept his head turned away, drawing up his knees so he could rest his aching head on them. His shoulders hunched up a little as he felt those eyes bore into him. But he was resolute in not answering. He wasn't ready to answer.
It was the stupid fever. It had to be.
Kaeya flinched when Diluc rested his other hand on top. That wasn't fair. Not at all.]
I'll be fine. Good to know what the limits are and such, anyway.
[Not that he planned on waiting five days again. No, he would make more of an effort, even if he really didn't want to.]
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Date: 2023-03-10 11:19 pm (UTC)You might have asked, instead of testing those limits yourself. [He mutters, shifting so that the back of the hand below Kaeya's is resting on his knee. Diluc isn't sure how long it's going to take for the other man to start feeling better... if it's going to be a while they are probably going to find a more comfortable position to sit in.]
Is this so objectionable to you that you can't even look at me? [Without Adelinde or the Traveller to act as a buffer between them, things do feel... strained. There's a reason they have only communicated via letter for some time.] I'll make you a drink if you're staying.
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Date: 2023-03-10 11:53 pm (UTC)[It was accidental in the worst way.
At the very least, his fever seemed to be breaking already. But the ache in his joints were still there. He was still very tired. He also didn't know how to answer Diluc.
It wasn't objectionable, but he was embarrassed to have revealed how much he missed the other man's company. How much he missed the camaraderie they used to have. It was an awful feeling he carried since the tragedy and even while they slowly mended the broken bridges he thought irreparable.]
It's not... [Sigh.] It's fine, Diluc. I'm not objecting. Just.
[He turned his head slightly, one eye peeking through his bangs slightly, the hint of a scar showing>]
Just stay here.
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Date: 2023-03-11 12:04 am (UTC)Would he have felt guilty? Would he have felt responsible, somehow, that he wasn't able to step in in time to keep something from happening to the other man? Diluc already dislikes being here and already has in mind the number of people he feels he has to watch out for.
His eyes linger on the edge of the outline of the scar across Kaeya's eye.]
... Fine.
[He has the rest of his coffee anyway, but he's not really thinking about drinking it.]
I hope you're not going to make a habit of this. [And he isn't thinking, really, as he rubs the side of his thumb against Kaeya's hand. As if he's trying to comfort him.] Next time I might not be here to come to your rescue.
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Date: 2023-03-11 01:34 am (UTC)There won't be a next time, Diluc.
[He was going to make sure of that, even if it meant actually needing to get close enough to people to hold hands. He may actually enjoy people's company, he generally shied away from physical affection of any kind if he could help it. Klee, notwithstanding.]
This isn't something I want to feel again. Everything hurts.
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Date: 2023-03-11 01:32 pm (UTC)Sigh. Something else to think about.]
At least let me get you something warm to put on.
[Since he walked over here in his pyjamas, obviously feeling terrible if he hadn't stopped to get dressed and even overlooked putting his eyepatch on. It isn't that Diluc wants to leave him on his own but gruffly fussing like this is his way of showing that be cares.]
You can stay here for a bit. I don't have any plans to go anywhere.
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Date: 2023-03-11 03:34 pm (UTC)His hand tightened a little at the suggestion. This time, he turned his head fully with eyes wide.]
No, stay here.
[Something about this whole thing really had Kaeya on edge, but not necessarily that he was sitting next to Diluc holding his hand. That was the small comfort he was feeling and he didn't want it to stop.
He hid his face again in is knees.]
Please?
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Date: 2023-03-11 03:44 pm (UTC)[It's strange to see Kaeya like this. Not because he knows the man as someone calm and cocky, who always seems to have a sly answer for everything and never lets his weaknesses show, but because he still remembers the little boy who used to cling to his hand and follow him everywhere.
Diluc would be lying if he said he didn't sometimes miss it too.
He sighs, and moves his hand from the top of Kaeya's to put his arm around the other man's back instead.]
All right, all right. Just... come here, then.
[Really... what is he going to do with him.]
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Date: 2023-03-11 03:55 pm (UTC)Was time always running out for him? It felt like it.
When Diluc put his arm around him, Kaeya didn't fight it. He leaned into the warmth.]
...thank you.
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Date: 2023-03-11 04:05 pm (UTC)[Kaeya leans in, and he tucks his arm more securely around him as he rests his chin up on top of the younger man's head.
Strange. It's... very strange, but he doesn't object too strongly. Kaeya is clearly sick and scared and... what kind of human being would Diluc be if he just shoved him off to find someone else to turn to. He chafes his palm against Kaeya's shoulder and gazes at the opposite wall, lapsing into silence.
Diluc does not like it here. Not even one bit. He is suspicious of the motives of the ones who brought them here to begin with and of the mechanics in place to control them, and of just what they are expected to do while they're here. Seeing Kaeya like this does not make him feel any more warmly towards any of it.]
Comfortable?
no subject
Date: 2023-03-11 04:32 pm (UTC)[He nodded against Diluc's shoulder. This felt so nostalgic and it made his chest hurt again. It was strange to him as well, that his former sworn brother would concede to helping him so fast. He thought Diluc would protest a little more, not because Diluc didn't care, but just that he always seemed to do so before finally relenting with anything Kaeya related. Then again, it didn't take much to let him stay for dinner during the Weinlesefest. Even getting Adelinde in on it.
But he was grateful that Diluc hadn't. Because while he could have probably asked Albedo or Fischl for assistance, assuming he had enough time, he wouldn't be comfortable. He wouldn't be able to relax. Diluc was different.
He always would be.]
Yeah.
[He was getting tired, in fact. Kaeya didn't exactly have an easy sleep due to his condition. He slouched a little more against Diluc.]
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Date: 2023-03-11 11:46 pm (UTC)Even so, he wasn't sure how this was going to go. Would they just sit here awkwardly until Kaeya started feeling better? It seems like the man has other ideas as he slouches in against Diluc, and Diluc lets out a soft huff of almost fond irritation.
He shifts his weight, leaning back against the back of the couch.]
You're tired. Put your legs over. [And honestly, if Kaeya doesn't, Diluc is just going to move his legs for him.]
no subject
Date: 2023-03-11 11:57 pm (UTC)Pull my legs over what? I'm fine like this.
[Even if Diluc was the one uncomfortable with this position, he wasn't sure what his legs would do to help that. Sorry Diluc, he's tired, as you said.]
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Date: 2023-03-12 01:58 am (UTC)[Diluc sighs sharply, makes a face, and tugs Kaeya's legs over his lap so he isn't sitting scrunched up on the couch next to him. That's no way to sleep, and it wouldn't be comfortable for Diluc in the long run if he nods off like that.]
Like that. Are you fine there?
[Comfortable? Not fretting he's going to run off? His tone is a little sharp, but there's caring under it.]
no subject
Date: 2023-03-12 02:10 am (UTC)[Kaeya couldn't help the warmth that spread over his cheeks. He kept his head down, however, to hide the blush. He wasn't completely in Diluc's lap, but he may as well be with the way he was cradled.]
...y-yes, I'm fine.
[What was Diluc thinking? Kaeya didn't understand what the other man's motivations. Helping him out was one thing, but this? He wanted to ask, but he found the words lodged in his throat.]
no subject
Date: 2023-03-12 02:17 am (UTC)As far as he's concerned, if it helps Kaeya to feel better faster, then it's fine.]
Good. So am I.
[Embarrassing.]
Just relax and try to get some rest. If you're not feeling more like yourself soon I'll have to ask around how else you can be helped.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-12 02:26 am (UTC)[It's been like four years! And those four years were full of tension and grief!
Either way, Kaeya was a little more awake now if only because his heart was racing. He stared at his feet, willing himself to relax. Honestly, it felt too big to be in Diluc's lap and not because of his age. He was a good few inches taller than Diluc, after all.
He couldn't help it. He laughed softly. Their father used to say he was just all legs and now he certainly felt it.]
no subject
Date: 2023-03-12 02:30 am (UTC)... What's so funny?
[He knows what's funny. There's a thread of clear amusement in his own voice as well, though it doesn't quite break into a laugh.]
A few minutes ago you were acting like you were dying.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-12 02:43 am (UTC)[An amused scoff, but his hand tightened in Diluc's grasp again. He didn't want the other man to let go still.]
I'm tired, I feel like an old man whose bones are telling him it's going to rain sooner. But... [He let out a breath and allowed himself to lean against the redhead's chest again. His head dropped onto his shoulder.] I am too tall for your lap. As f-...As I am just all arms and legs.
[He almost said 'father' and that would have killed what little good mood they were in. He did not want that.]
no subject
Date: 2023-03-12 02:59 am (UTC)[Of course he did. In hindsight he should have known this would be comical and perhaps on some subconscious level that is why he did it. It feels like a layer of tension has been broken, and not in a way that he minds. For the most part he is just... truly glad that the other man is feeling better, even if he claims he feels terrible.
He gives Kaeya's back an idle pat.]
You've been too tall since we were sixteen. I don't know who you think gave you permission to get taller than me.
[Beanpole.]
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Date: 2023-03-12 03:10 am (UTC)[Aiyaya... Diluc, please. He huffed and shook his head. He filled out his beanpole-ness eventually! Don't start.]
What? Still mad I can put my chin on your head?
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Date: 2023-03-12 04:36 pm (UTC)[His fingertips dig lightly against Kaeya's ribs, just for a moment. Getting too bold there, Alberich, and he won't stand for it.]
You wouldn't dare. [For... several reasons, probably though one of them is currently being very muddied by the fact that he basically has Kaeya in his lap right now - that one being, it's just too hard to get that close to him anymore.]
I can't see you thinking it worth the risk.
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Date: 2023-03-12 04:48 pm (UTC)He huffed and rolled his eyes.]
Who said I was going to? Taking a joke so seriously, goodness.
[Like he would really attempt it even if he wasn't sick. There was no reason to. He just remembered Diluc getting hilariously huffy when they were younger whenever he did it. It was a fond memory, but perhaps it wasn't for Diluc, after all.]
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